You’ve seen those hoarder shows. A psychologist, concerned family members and a camera crew visit archaeological digs masquerading as people’s homes to help them remove years and layers of trash, old food, clothes, papers, magazines, toys, books and furniture. As a viewer, our first totally judgmental reaction is, “How could they let that happen?” Then we see how these very vulnerable and damaged people starting using things to replace love and connection, and were now gripped in a paralyzing fear of letting anything go.
There but for the grace of God…because I’ve also got little pockets of clutter. There’s one particular drawer in the kitchen, some piles of clothes on a hassock in my bedroom, and a few boxes of books, photos and papers still unpacked from when we moved last April that are emitting silent screams for attention.
For some reason, I can’t seem to finish sorting, purging and making permanent space for what I really want to keep. I hold on to the artifacts of the glory days of old accomplishments. I fantasize that I will need these things someday, even though it’s been years since I’d used any of it. And there’s communication clutter. Although I’m much better with emails, I don’t check my voice mail for days on end. Facebook? Fuggedaboudit.
Clutter expert Peter Walsh wrote a book called Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat based on his 4Hs – head, heart, home, hips. Yes, he sees a connection, and so can I. When my mail piles up I’m also eating more bread and rice. I’m waking up at 4 a.m. feeling stuck, sluggish and guilty for procrastinating. TV replaces yoga. I’m watching myself avoid doing the things I need to do, and not say the things I need to say. I’m stuffing my emotions and holding on to the physical reminders of what are really unfulfilled dreams.
The clutter is that bit of distance from living from the center of myself and being present to who I really am in each moment in my work, my finances, my relationships and my vision for my life. It feels like a safe distance because I am scared to be all of who I am. But because I want to be different, I know I have to do things differently. I have to take action every day, starting now.
Somebody hand me a trash bag.
