Last week I had the great and familiar pleasure of speaking once again to the brave and wonderful women of Count Me In for Women’s Economic Independence. It was a revival for their women’s business pitch competition, and a partnership with the brands Smart & Sexy and Curvy Couture, dispensing $250K in prize money to 19 winners.
More than 400 women applied, out of the 2000 plus who clicked on the application, which says a lot about how those who are chosen start by choosing themselves first.
Because I knew that the judges, speakers and mentors would be providing all of the necessary business-building tools, I directed my remarks to the inner woman who has to lead and nurture that business as its queen. And what better place to start that conversation than with each queen’s Royal Court.
We hardly give conscious thought to who makes up our royal court. We just assume that the people around us – family, friends, associates, co-workers, employees, colleagues – are part of our inner sanctum. We take for granted that they are there to be called upon when needed. They believe in us, support us, agree with us because they are around us…or so we assume.
But if there is one thing a national emergency, whether fire, tornado, earthquake, flood, protests, pandemics and their subsequent curfews and quarantines reveals, it is exactly who is in our corner.
So who are the people we “hold up close and personal” in our lives? Who is our ride or die, road dog, ‘til the wheels fall off posse? When all you can whisper is the word “hospital,” who is standing in the emergency room with you? When you are allowed that one phone call, who is ready to put up their house to post your bail?
The person or persons who come to mind in answer to those questions are your innermost circle, your sanctum sanctorum. You may be surprised who comes to mind. Sometimes it’s not the people you’re with all the time, or the ones you think should be your first line of defense. But when it’s life and death, it’s the members of that inner court who count.
I once had an executive coach, paid for by the company that I worked for, that said to me words I’d never heard from anyone else and that I have never forgotten, “No matter what happens I am always on your side.” That’s inner court material.
Next is the 2nd ring of the court – siblings, extended family, friends, business partners, maybe your minister, imam or rabbi, close friends. In this ring, core beliefs and longstanding memories, financial agreements and work commitments, vocational, spiritual, political, or group affiliations are shared. Camaraderie is the prevailing sentiment, the feeling of security that comes with loyalty to a group with common interests.
Third ring out and it’s all a general wash of associates, neighbors, co-workers, hang out buddies, people who sit in your section of church every Sunday, or on the bar stool next to you for the game, all the way to random strangers.
Since life is ever-changing, people’s positions in your court may shift. So review the members of your royal court from time to time. The important thing is to make sure you know who is who, and which ring of your royal court they occupy. Welcome new ones in and graciously, gratefully let them go when it’s time.
And always, don’t let people who don’t matter too much, matter too much.
