What I am about to say may be tough to hear. But here’s something to chew on: whatever is happening in our lives, whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, we are the cause. We are not to blame; it’s not our fault and this is not an accusation. And yes, there are usually other factors and most likely other people involved. They are themselves the cause in their own lives. So blaming other people or circumstances and being the helpless victim is not the move if we want to find our way out of the wilderness of unwanted events. Our power lies in knowing it starts with us.
So how are we the cause? We are the cause because we live within natural laws that govern every aspect of life. Because what we think about we attract. What we focus on expands. The drumbeat of our repetitive thoughts and words are the magnet for what shows up for us.
There are times when we can be in the zone, in the flow, with one great thing after another coming our way. I love when that happens. The train arrives right when I step on the platform, the call I didn’t even know I was waiting for comes in, I meet a person who makes a big difference in some key area of my life, I’m doing my work in a state of calm and joy and feeling oh so fulfilled, a check comes in the mail…and then – surprise! – another one comes, too. If, as Isaac Newton discovered, a body (or object, or stream of thought) in motion tends to stay in motion, once one or two things go our way, our expectations now follow that track. Then not only are we breezing through life ourselves, we are an example and inspiration to others – our children, employees, neighbors, friends – who ride our tailwind into their own stream of joy
Unfortunately though, when we are experiencing the good, chances are we do what Dr. Brene’ Brown describes in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, as “scarcity of safety” thinking. We get scared that too many good things are happening so something bad is about to occur. In other words, “That which I have feared has come upon me.” Those thoughts are an out-picturing of the deficiency, the not enough-ness we feel about ourselves, and they kill any happiness, flow and ease stone cold dead.
So first check in with your feelings, and then your words – those in your head and those coming out of your mouth. If your words are not calling into existence what you really want, take a moment to change them by doing some turnarounds. A turnaround is taking a limiting, negative statement and changing it into one that is more affirming and uplifting. When the statement changes, the state of mind follows. Here’s an example.
Last month, I was waiting for my friend Greg to take me to the airport. I did not think he was giving himself enough time for traffic, and I began to worry he would be late. Greg and I have the kind of sibling relationship where I can be straight with him without any loss of affection. So I was rehearsing how I was going to complain about how much I hate being late. Then I remembered my turnarounds. When I got into the car I said “Greg, I love getting to the airport early. I love breezing through security. I love having time to browse for magazines. I love taking my time getting to the gate and calmly settling into my seat.” The more I talked about what I loved about being early for flights, the lighter and happier I got – and all without deluging my friend (who was kind enough to give me ride in the first place) with heaps of abuse.
Other turnarounds:
Change “I hate that” to “There are so many things I love more than this.” Or,” I’m looking forward to appreciating this soon.”
Change “I’m struggling with all the things I have to do” to ”I know the more I do this, the easier it will get.” Or “I like it when everything flows together.”
Change ”I don’t have enough money” to ”I always have money for the things I need.” Or ” I’m so glad I have the money for the rent (or lunch, or the bus, or payroll).
Turnarounds reverse the deficiency mentality. They change half empty thinking to half full. Can’t you feel how much more room there is for possibilities with that little flip in perspective? The power to change the circumstances in our lives begins with the way we see, feel and speak about those circumstances. Actually, it’s really the only power we have.
