Years ago, I experienced a bout of depression that sent me on the hunt for a therapist. After several tries (and many frogs kissed), I did find a psychiatrist with whom I visited a few times. But I was not telling her the real truth. Something prevented me from opening up.
Fortunately, I found someone else: Dr. Cynthia Grace, a licensed clinical psychologist with an immense résumé, who gave of herself as an essential part of her being. A proven leader in academic and clinical psychology, counseling, and creator of the first Black-owned luxury spa in Harlem, with a treatment method melding traditional and holistic mental health practices.
Dr. Cynthia Grace
After a string of regularly scheduled visits, we moved to informal twice-yearly check-ins. By then she’d left NYC and moved to Florida. I’d send her an email and she would respond quickly with an available opening a few days later.
A month ago, I emailed her again for another of our updates. When she did not answer right away, I went online in case she’d found a new office and changed her email.
What came up instead was her obituary. “Dr. Cynthia Grace passed away suddenly on February 2, 2025.” Seeing the words rocked me to the core. A sleepless night followed.
I normally have a calm perspective on death, seeing it as an intrinsic part of earthly life. I understand that when the vital or soul part of us leaves the body, it is still vibrant and alive in some way. So I was curious as to why the news of Dr. Grace’s death hit me so deeply.
What I appreciated about Dr. Grace is how she held up an incorporeal mirror for me to see myself more favorably. And I loved how she saw me. She provided both a sober yet affirmative reflection and sounding board. She was an innovative thinker, deep listener, and experienced practitioner. She was gentle and kind.
I relied on her to be available whenever I needed, even sporadically. We were age mates, contemporaries, and I saw her as I saw myself, with lots of time to spare to practice the tenets of living until I got it ultimately right.
Digging deeper, I discovered that I’d placed her in the position of director in the film of my existence. It was as if I, in the starring role, was using her for encouragement, guidance, and corroboration as approval of the performance I called my life.
It was jarring to comprehend that I was still not really seeing myself as the captain of my own ship. That I held out for someone else to give me ultimate acceptance. It was jarring and also liberating, one more revelatory layer of the onion to peel away.
The Biblical verse came to mind, “But of that day and hour [of our death] no one knows, not even the angels of heaven.” Time to get my own affairs, papers, relationships, and belongings completely in order so that I may be more fully present in my life for however long I have, and leave the gift of clarity to those who remain after I am gone.
Now I realize that I am indeed having one last session with Dr. Grace. Both the legacy of her life and the fact of her death are teaching me still. She is giving me the gift of myself, upon whom I can always depend. And for that she has my heartfelt thanks, immeasurable respect, and abiding love.
*Going with Grace, founded by best-selling author Alua Arthur, is actually a death doula training and end-of-life planning organization that exists to support people as they answer the question, “What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully?”
The Inner Road Retreat – Marrakech, Morocco | October 13–19, 2025
Is Marrakech calling you?
If you’re feeling the pull to join us for this unforgettable retreat and want to learn more, we invite you to a special Zoom Information Session.
Sunday, May 25, 2025
11:00 a.m. EST
Register here to receive the Zoom link.
We’ll walk through the full itinerary, travel requirements, villa accommodations, inclusive and optional offerings, weather and packing tips, dietary considerations, the Wisdom Circles, and share insights into the Mwasi Healing and Restoration Center. There will also be time for all your questions.
Special Guest: TaNesha Barnes, our host and founder of the Mwasi Healing and Restoration Center, will join us to share her vision for this sacred space.
Important Dates:
Final payment for your retreat is due by September 30, 2025
RETREAT DEPOSIT OF $550 IS DUE BY SUNDAY, JUNE 15
Click here for more details and to begin your journey: The Inner Road Retreat.
With warmth,
Isisara Bey
